Cold Chisel in Chewed Magna

I have pets in the house. No, the giant bird eating spider hasn’t come back. Nor indeed have I seen Lizzie – our Blue Tongue lizard – in weeks. Seeing the amount of rain, the poor blighter has probably downed.
Instead termites are becoming the terror, as I slowly find more wood that they have chewed on.

They seem to love the blue gum that the interior weatherboards are made out of, but are careful, pernickety eaters. They nibble through the interior of the boards, leaving the outside paint pretty much untouched. I had no idea they were there until I leaned on the wall and it just folded under me. The outside weatherboards have fared better, with only intermittent nibbling. Meanwhile the frame of the building, made out of good solid Tasmanian Oak, remains untouched. At least all the tin over my head isn’t going to collapse (Note to Ed: check this).

Alas all the new pine weatherboards that were put in just 20 years ago areas hollow as a demented chocolate santa, and are only fit for firewood.

That still leaves me with the problem of how to remove the weatherboards though, because they are carefully made with a tongue and grove so that the one above slots into the space of the one below, making a very strong structure that alas, means it’s impossible to remove a board without chopping it into little bits. Which, trust me, is very tempting. The termites have done that for the ones I want to scrap, but how do I replace them?

The answer, like with hedgehogs, is very carefully.

Once again, going back to the main theme of the blog – at least it was, many moons ago – of how to do something, I’ve worked out a technique. To lever out the boards I’ve found that running a cold chisel up its tongue will help it split neatly when I get it out, and then using that chisel on one side and a huge metre long crowbar on the other to lever it out means I can get at about half the boards without them turning into matchwood.

Then, to put  in a new, replacement  weatherboard in the gaping hole, the technique involves removing about half the height of the inner wall of the groove side, and sloping it at 45 degrees. Then, taking the tongue and doing the same with that, angling it at 45 degrees. Push the top one in place, lift it up, and it makes a reassuring click, and slots into place, without any visible sign that I’ve moved it.

At least, that is the theory, but I’ve now developed a look of horror at all the walls that need work. Some of them at least are not touched by termites – all they need is a bit of insulation. For those, I’m tempted to just slap some paint around and be done with it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm swimming uphill against the grain.