A huntsman riding by

Moving my termites was a bad thing. Not only do my walls have holes in them, it’s also disturbed the spiders. Not that I knew anything about it until there was an ear piercing shriek, and “it was the size of a 20c piece”.

Not that I could see it. I sprayed the bejezus out of the skirting boards, but all that happened was I got a nice shiny polish going on all the exposed floorboards.

“He was over there. He was the size of a beer mat”.

Huntsman spider, post thong 

Fortunately I’ve read the dummies guide to lethal forms of Australian wildlife, and while snakes can drop a horse at a hundred meters, and even cuddly things like platypuses (should that be platipusi?) can take your arm off, the huge spiders found in Australian gardens are generally harmless. Its the ones the size of your thumbnail that you need to keep an eye on.

“Look under the table. He was the side of a dinner plate”.

Bar, that is, their ability to fill your underpants. I’d pretty much given up on spotting the critter when he came galloping around the corner, skidding on the newly polished floorboards, and charging towards me. He was indeed the size of a bull, leaping fully two feet (or perhaps, eight feet, as that’s what he seemed to have) this was a Goliath Bird-Eating Tarantula... or, in Aussie terms, a Huntsman, which never mind how pleasant they look, have a name that chills your heart down to your collarbone. It does, after all, Hunts... Man.

Running right under my feet, I was firmly convinced the end had come... of the sofa. I pulled it apart, but of the spider there was no sign, until I took the entire room apart and upended said sofa. He sat there glowering at me.

Then the god of small thongs landed on his head, and ended his pre-emptive dash for freedom. It then just remained to scrape the remains of the giant bird-eating Huntsman off the antique floor boards before his goo started eating through the wood.

Alas, I’ve now done even more research into the humble Huntsman, and found that many Aussies like them, and instead of whacking the blighters into kingdom come, welcome them because... wait for it... they keep the cockroaches down.