Ah... Halloween. The traditional time when annoying kids are allowed to virtually lynch you, and all you can do is smile sweetly and hand them sweeties. Except it’s not – Halloween is no part of the Australian tradition (or the British one either) but that doesn’t stop zombie walks in Brisbane and Sydney (I’m not kidding: there are that many zombies staggering along the pavement you could have thrown a frying pan in any direction and hit six) before the ghoulishness has peaked with Halloween.
And living in what is being described as “that old spooky haunted house on the hill” not surprisingly; trick-or-mugging sweet-grabbers have come-a-knocking at the door. Never mind that the lawn is freshly mown and even the outside lights work, from the way they approach it, you’d think it was a cross between the Adam’s family and Fangtasia.
However, telling them that Halloween is simply an American commercial sales technique went down like a lead blanket.
And even the local post office in the small little hamlet down the road has everything a well-dressed ghoul would need, including varieties of plastic teeth, 50 types of alternate witches' hats, 30 different types of weapons and a range of tombstones. When I nipped down for a haircut and walked past I did however find – and was thankful for - that they have sold out of fake blood and cobwebs.
Not that I need any – the place is alive with real cobwebs. Hundreds of ‘em, and some real nasty spiders too: I got zapped by a golden orb spider when I spent the afternoon stripping back positively Amazonian thick vines over the front flower bed to allow my giant Leyland Cypress trees room to grow.
My hand is now throbbing, and looks scary enough to put any kid off his fake fangs.
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