Lawn Free

There was, once, a car space at the front of the house where the residents of the townhouses (built on the old garden) were wont to park. Which is annoying, considering its not townhouse land. It’s mine.

Not that that stops the residents of the townhouses from parking there, so while I was excavating the drains I hit on a cunning plan: turn it into a fine stretch of turf.

Of course the easy plan would be to dig the thing up, taking a pneumatic drill to the six inches of concrete and producing a lake of waste concrete.

However I had other ideas: what if, I thought, it was possible to just quietly bury the offending car park space so that if in the future someone wanted to park, say, a Winnebago on the ground, it would be easy enough to dig it up again.

Now normally you wouldn’t attempt to lay turf over concrete, but by spiking it – to improve the drainage – and burying it really really deep; a good eight inches should suffice – it was possible to get a neat level lawn.

Or at least future lawn: it’ll take all winter to grow, of course.

Commuted for Life

Slowly, steadily, I’ve built my Hadrian’s Wall. It is indeed the millstone around my neck, or rather my arms, as stone really is so very heavy. Of course, I could have used concrete, which would have been easier, quicker, and far more cheaper. After all, good quality sandstone costs $180 a ton, as my bank manager has been discovering.

The M2 in Sydney, having a bad day.

Which is why it is ever so irritating to drive past North Rocks – an area of Sydney that was apparently famous for its large upstanding rocks, until that is enterprising settlers who had their life sentences commuted to a holiday in Australia turned up with chisels and chopped up the lot. Now, there is just one road running through it, that is actually pretty useful, as it is a good shortcut to chop off Windsor Road, the M7 and the M2, which right now is a nightmare, and will be for two years, while they finally build the road that should have been there in the first place, which involves taking away – guess what – more rocks to build one extra lane.

So (there is a point to all of this, I promise you) many people are now taking that oh so useful short cut from Baulkham Hills, along Cook Street, Park Street, and Renown Road past the Ted Horwood Reserve. However, it too has turned into a nightmare, because it needs a bit of widening. And in the stupid way they do with Australian roads they have to take the speed limit down to 23 miles per hour, and then slowly chip away at the rocks, producing in turn endless frustration in the motorists, and also a huge pile of yet more rocks. Which – as I sit helplessly in my car, staring at it – I can’t help think I’d have to be a millionaire to afford.

And now, guess what? The RTA have proved that they are even more stupid than through possible (if that is, that is possible. The ship of state has a difficult road ahead). There were two lanes up Renown Road as it meets Barclay Road in North Rocks, but now there is only one. Two lanes allow the person at the top of the hill to take the right hand lane to turn right, but the straight ahead to do what cars do: move. No longer. There is now a sign saying that the lane has been closed “for your safety”, and when each car wants to turn right, they stop until the lights turn red, and allow a single car out. Therefore the queue moves at one car every two minutes, or 1mph.

It really was quicker by goat.

I digress: the RTA wastes everyone’s time, a lot of money, and huge pile of rocks, which I would have had for free to finish my wall, which is now, at last, slowly there.

And yet, now I’ve finished this herculean effort, there doesn’t appear to be all that much to show for it: just a low stone retaining wall, keeping in the flower bed, which you can’t even see from the house.